On the night of April 15th, 2025, after 193 days vocal chord spasms, I got my voice back for about 5 hours.

It happened, of all places, at a business mastermind.

Some of you may not know, but I've been co-hosting large events the last 7 years with Fit For Service.

However, I have never gone to someone else's event. In all my days on this Earth, I had never gone to any mastermind or summit outside those I help create. This surprised me when I realized it a few weeks ago (what arrogance lol).

So when a good friend invited me to hers, I was interested.

When I learned that she had designed an optional medicine ceremony into the schedule, I was captivated.

Much to the surprise of critics and members alike, Fit For Service never held medicine ceremonies. lol, yeah, people did them on their own, but we never hosted, and actually explicitly asked members not to ingest anything mind-altering during our events.

So when I learned that this business mastermind had intentionally baked a medicine ceremony into their schedule, I was fascinated.

After some questions, I found out that the facilitators were a highly-renowned underground couple who had been doing this work for decades. Close friends with discerning taste vouched for them. One friend who I respect above almost everyone I know, told me this would be a special container that may reveal and relieve whatever is happening with my voice.

So I accepted the invite and did all the things.

The first surprise was how refreshing it was to be in a space where the focus wasn't explicitly spiritual, but practical. I actually started crying after a few hours of charts, graphs, acronyms, and case studies.

God I needed this.

My first social identity was as an athlete. After injuries forced that ego death, my next iteration was scholar, skeptic, and scientist. This part of me has been massively under-nourished the last 10 years.

But don't misunderstand me, this part, without the meditation, psychedelics, and ecstatic dance, is an asshole. He's arrogant, cold, competitive, condescending, and lonely.

But my tears on the first day revealed that I had malnourished him for a long time. It was a fantastic breath of fresh air.

Can you find God in the spreadsheet? If not, God also giggles in the automated email and the landing page. It is not inherently ethical to struggle with money. It is not inherently condemning to be wealthy.

The second big surprise was noticing my opinion changing on something I've resisted for a long time: creating a GodseyGPT that specializes in dream interpretation. For the last few years, people have asked my opinion on using AI to unpack dreams, and my answer has been some version of "do what you want, but using AI is to totally missed the point."

This response is missing a lot of nuance, but the gist is, I've changed my mind and I'm working on creating and training a custom AI to help people with dreams in a way that stays true to Jung's vision. I'm very excited for this.

The final highlight was, of course, getting my voice back for a few hours.

It happened during the medicine ceremony. I was given a mild dose of MDA, and a couple hours later, a unique blend of psilocybin. What made this container special is that it is the first I have ever been a part of that was explicitly social.

The therapists who created this protocol believe that the most potent benefits arise when we first reconnect to belonging. Belonging is inherently social. It is communal.

This belonging then allows for a deep sense of safety to emerge, which is where their flavor of healing amplifies.

A few hours after ingesting the MDA, without effort, and without trying, I began speaking in my regular voice.

I actually didn't notice until it was reflected back to me multiple times.

It was surreal.

I didn't realize until the following morning integration circle that the reason I didn't notice my voice came back was because I wasn't running an internal dialogue.

I realized that I didn't have any 'insights' from this journey because I wasn't thinking.

I don't think this has ever happened before; having a medicine experience where I wasn't consciously or unconsciously hunting for an epiphany or lesson.

Rather, I was softly, slowly, fully listening to whoever I was in conversation with. When I had a thought, it arose through my speech.

As cliche as cliches can be, I got out of my head and into my heart.

I have cried every day since. A part of me didn't believe my voice would ever return. And while it is not magically healed, I know in my soma it is possible.

6 days later, I am noticing larger pockets of regular speech returning. I haven't began researching -- but I am curious if there are other case studies of spasmodic dysphonia dramatically improving or 'spontaneous remission' through mdma-assisted psychotherapy.

For reasons I can psychoanalyze later, I've honestly been reluctant to do mdma or mda the last decade or so. How curious it would be if my current situation brought me deeper into the mdma/mda world.

And now that I have seen it done, I'm beginning to dream what future professional containers would look like that mix practical skill sharing with potent, responsible medicine ceremonies.

Thank you Anna for creating the space and bring everyone together, and thank you to all the powerful professional therapists who risk what they risk to be underground guides in a time where obvious medicines are still currently illegal.

Song I'm Listening on Repeat

​Illusion of Perception - VEL94EV​

Event Invite - The 1st Dharma Artist Retreat

I'm excited to announce our first retreat. It is currently only open to members of DAC and alumni of the Mentally Fit class. This is because, whatever this event will become, will be co-designed with the people who come to this first event. The people I trust are the people I worked and train with.

The intention is for this event to feel like a meditation retreat meets artist gym. There will be hours of deep work mixed with evenings 'around the fire' together.

If this calls to you and you're eligible, come join us May 23rd - May 25th.

Quote I'm Enjoying

“In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the Internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time - literally - substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it.”​
-Peter Drucker

Weekly Journal Prompt

Where in my life do I unconsciously, or maybe even consciously, believe God is not present? (if unsure, check your taxes, your bank account, or the sales funnel of the person you hate follow lol)